Dear Forest Ranger McBuff,
Do you know how frustrating it is, knowing that you’re off in the mountains but still thinking that I see you every time I turn around? Do you know how many skinny nerd-boys go for runs on my college campus that I always confuse for you when I first drive past them? Do you know how uncomfortable it is for me to hear that you’re Facebook-messaging my sister, but not me?
( The answer to all these things is, of course, a lot. )
Dear Blondie,
This has been very difficult to write, but it is something that I have needed to say for a long, long time.
We were close longer than I expected us to be – since I was thirteen and you were fourteen – and the fact that this friendship is over makes me sadder than you’ll ever know. You introduced me to The Weepies and convinced me that it wasn’t such a bad idea to audition for Concert Choir, you taught me how to play Guitar Hero and were my partner in crime through most of the drama going on backstage during the musicals. I still remember all of our long walks home, and mornings with the others in the Math Office hallway, and sitting with you at prom under the rose arch, you in pink and me in black, stars above our head and pretty lights woven in through all the leaves and flowers. I still have the valentine you made for me the year I graduated high school, right in the box with the letters I kept from all our bitter, silent fights.
( I still think of you when the shuffle button brings up "For Good" on my iPod. )
Dear Tessa,
You’re the only baby sister I’m ever going to have, and I love you more than you will probably ever realize. Unfortunately, the fact that I love you doesn’t necessarily mean that I have to like you.
Most of the time, I think that you’re loud and rude and absolutely obnoxious, with no idea of how to act around people and barely any social skills to speak of. And on top of that, I think that you need to seriously have your head examined more than I probably do. How people put up with you on a regular basis is more of a mystery to me than the writing on the Dead Sea scrolls. When you go out in public, do you always act like someone who was raised by wild badgers? Do you think that’s part of your “charm”?
( Because let me be the first to tell you: acting like Khloe Kardashian's long-lost third cousin isn't all that attractive. )
Dear Kourtney Kardashian Wannabe,
When you look like you belong on an E! reality show, I'm pretty sure you need to reevaluate your life choices.
No love,
Me
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