hearts and bones

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Day 20: A first.

The very first book I’d ever read on my own was Marianna Mayer’s The Prince and the Princess. It’s based off an old Bohemian fairytale and is surprisingly dark for a children’s story, but the illustrations are beautiful and the story itself holds up strangely well; I’ve gone back to it as an adult and it is still an entertaining, engaging read.

Plus, there was magic and mutant freaks and a giant squid! There was an entire city turned to stone, and a beautiful frozen princess and a prince who was kind of useless on his own! There was an evil wizard who could turn himself into different monsters and a magic stained-glass window and one of the three mutant-like guys who helped the prince out on his quest had laser vision! That’s right – laser vision. It was awesome.

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Day 14: Your regrets.

Not going to my grandfather’s funeral. My grandmother had told my parents that the “cut-off was thirteen” and at eleven, I was “too young” to go and had to stay at home with my sister and my younger cousins, even though my older cousins could. I should have pushed my dad harder to let me go. I’ve never even seen the cemetery.
 
Not patching things up with C.M. McDanger (McBuff’s other half) before he moved to Detroit for his new job. I know that at this point we’ll never really be “friends” again, but I still miss him.
 
The whole incomprehensible thing with The Great Russian Dolt that took up, like, a year and a half of my life, and the fact that both of the boys I kissed in high school came out of the closet about a week or so afterwards. (No, really. These are the choices I make.)

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Day 9: Your siblings.

Tessa: Two years younger, with light brown hair and green eyes. Tinier than I am. Pretty. Played lacrosse in high school. Made the Dean’s List last year. Needs three cushions to see over the steering wheel in our mother’s station wagon. Couldn’t hear until she was three. Had an incredibly awkward crush on Forest Ranger McBuff for a fairly long time. Loves goldfish crackers. Caught scabies last fall from her former roommate. Recently joined a sorority and is living off-campus with her “real sisters.” Prone to shouting. Lives on coffee. Knows the words to just about every Katy Perry song ever. Can’t string a coherent sentence together on paper. Owns two laptops. Constantly steals my music. Strangely fond of Harper, despite Harper’s (rather obvious) disdain for her. Told people for years that we weren’t blood-related. Majoring in Environmental Science. Broke three bones in elementary school, one right after the other: left leg, right wrist, right elbow. Took piano lessons for six years, but can't play a note. Went to Israel last winter on the Birthright Tour. Coxswain. Part-Badger. Has an unusually small left hand, and the same funny little mole on her cheek as I do. She turned twenty this past summer.
 
Despite everything, I love this girl. But just because I love her, it doesn’t necessarily mean that I always have to like her.

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Day 7: Your beliefs.

I believe in karma.
I believe in ghosts.
I believe there are things we can't find a scientific explanation for, and that maybe we aren't meant to.
I believe in God, but that whatever Creator's up there really just gave us an outline and more or less leaves us to our own devices.
I believe that the surest sign of intelligent life elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us yet.
I believe that there’s more good than bad in people, even if it doesn’t always show.
I believe that Duff’s has better wings than the Anchor Bar, and so what if the Anchor Bar invented it? Duff’s does them better.
I believe Forest Ranger McBuff will never be able to remember that Napoleon didn’t cross the Alps with Hannibal, but that’s okay. It’s what he has me for.
I believe that Harper is probably going to be – and is, definitely is – one of the closest friends I’ll ever have, and I don’t know what I would do if something ever happened to her.
I believe that my sister and I are never going to have a traditionally “good” relationship; it is a sad but true fact of life that we will always need to be far, far apart from one another just to get along.
I believe that I will get published one day – for real, this time. Not just something in school or an excerpt in a newsletter. For real.
I believe in the use of correct grammar. I believe in checking spelling. I believe in proper punctuation.  I believe that these beliefs will eventually drive me insane.
I believe that while my family means well, they are absolutely terrible at showing it…except for my uncles. They’re just plain awful.
I believe that it’s kind of hopeless to try and figure out what happened to my dad’s bio-mom, but it’s worth it to keep looking, anyway.
I believe that for all the ugly on the surface, the world is a beautiful place.
I believe that I’ll get to all the places on my list one day, even if it takes me years.
I believe that somebody out there is dumb enough to want to get closer to the tiny box of bolts, wires, and crazy I know I really am, but I just haven’t met them yet.
I believe – no, I know – that I will turn out better than my mother did.
I believe that ultimately, I might be a terrible person, but I am still a pretty decent robot. :)
 
 

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Day 5: Your day.

Slept in until nine-ish and did some laundry. Lamented the fact that I never got my Pottermore letter over the summer like I was supposed to, because I want to be sorted, dammit! I also went to the Borders on Walden with my friend Nora around noon to feast upon their remains in discount book-format, bought a couple books, and then afterwards we went to lunch up at Eastern Pearl and caught up on things. Came home, then did some of my Spanish homework and finished the first two chapters in my Early American Life book. I tried to take a look at the article I need to have cleaned up by Wednesday, but the WTF-ery of the content and the headache I started getting meant I had to put it away until tomorrow. I borrowed one of my dad's super-powerful prescription Motrin and it still hasn't made the pounding in my head go away. I watched last night’s episode of True Blood and had a sandwich for dinner and now I’m going to try and write a little bit before I head off to bed.
 
It was a lazy kind of day. Still a good one, though. :)

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Day 3: What you ate today.

Breakfast: Slept through it.
 
Lunch: A banana. Grapes, some pretzels, a glass of orange juice.
 
Dinner: A corned beef sandwich. A piece of tomato and mozzarella on toast. A peach.

I also had some licorice rope at the movies. Apollo 18 was good, but I'm still disappointed the aliens didn't turn out to be Communists.

Day 2: Your parents. 

Dad: Republican. Self-taught trumpet player. Had his first hangover at the age of three. Born Roman Catholic, but converted to Judaism when he married my mother. Remodels kitchens and bathrooms for a living. Volunteered for the army at 19 and did two tours in Vietnam. Raised by his grandparents for the first five years of his life. Born in Rochester, grew up all over. Met Muhammad Ali while helping at the Special Olympics. Worked for Kodak. Worked construction. Smoked a lot of weed. Lived in Italy for a year. Accidentally set my Aunt Val’s oven on fire three Thanksgivings ago. Earned degrees in art, music, and dance from Brockport, and was essentially the head of their music department for two years. Incredibly fond of word games and crossword puzzles. Watches Fox News far too often. Once owned a red Volkswagen that had no floor or workable brakes. Mad scientist in the kitchen. He’ll be 62 in December.

Mom: Democrat. Born and raised in Buffalo. Jewish. Cancer survivor. Married her first husband exactly one week before her 21st birthday. Dental hygienist. Middle child. Left-handed. Nearly blind without her glasses. Can’t figure out how to work a computer. Traveled through Europe. Daughter of a lounge singer and a painter-slash-accountant. Likes mysteries more than other kinds of fiction. The very definition of “straight arrow.” Abnormally fond of country music. Will eat just about any kind of chocolate when the mood strikes, even the tasteless, bittersweet blocks of baking chocolate. Unafraid of flying. Killer of spiders. Tends to ramble. Possesses a very strange sense of humor. Was a member of the very first graduating senior class at my former high school. She turned 59 in June.
 
My parents met on a blind date. Nine months later, I was born.